Saturday, April 17, 2004

The Dr. Phil Test

I don't watch Dr. Phil, but I found the Dr. Phil Test to be pretty accurate.

Your total score is 40

Interpretation of Results
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

(Link courtesy of Lisa, who had the same score I did.)

.: 121 words at 08:06 PM in Quizzy Stuff, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :: Link :: Pings (1) :: All the Voices Say... (4) :.

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Friday, April 16, 2004

Civil Disobedience

My great-great uncle's funeral was held in Winchester, this little bitty town outside of Giddings which is on the way to Austin. Needless to say, there's a lot of small town mentality going on, especially in the church (just about everyone out there is Missouri Synod Lutheran, which I refer to as Misery Synod).

On our way out, my mother says something about not freaking out about a sign. I ask what sign she's talking about and she points out a sign that someone made on their computer. It says, all in caps, "Attention! Call or write your congressman in support of the marriage bill against gay marriages! Please act within the next 6 weeks!!!!!"

Needless to say, I freak out and start telling my mom that being Christian is supposed to be about being kind and tolerant, etc. We go down to the cemetery (and I had a lovely chat with my aunt Susan on the way down there; she totally rocks) and on my way back, I swing into the church and steal their damn sign. I considered it my civil disobedience act of the day. Damn intolerant people.

(This whole episode made me think of Eka's rant about the last time she went to church.)

.: 209 words at 04:29 AM in Fish Tales, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :: Link :: Pings (0) :: All the Voices Say... (12) :.

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Thursday, April 15, 2004

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.: 5 words at 05:55 PM in Hear My Voice..., ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :: Link :: Pings (0) :: All the Voices Say... (1) :.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2004

The Loss of a Friend

I've finally decided to blog about something that's been bothering me for some time. I'll probably get really sad and cry (not that you'll be able to tell since I don't have a webcam or anything), but I really want to get this off my chest.

In early January, Jeanna, my best friend of almost seven years, and I were supposed to go to the museum. Unfortunately, her mother got really sick and we weren't able to go. The last time I talked to her was a few days later. He mother was doing much better and we hung up with our customary love yous and the promise to see each other soon.

A few weeks went by and I hadn't heard from her despite leaving messages. Around the end of the month, I finally get her at home. She says she's on the other line, but she'll call me back soon. I ask her if she's mad at me for some reason and she pauses. She promises to e-mail me, but I still hear nothing from her.

A few more weeks of me leaving messages goes by and around the end of February I manage to get her on the phone again. This time when she says she'll call me back, I ask her if she really means that. She says she doesn't know. I ask her to at least tell me why she's mad at me and she says, "I'm sorry, I can't," and hangs up on me. I was on my way to meet a friend at the local country and western club. I proceed to get totally shitfaced and spend about two hours sobbing my heart out on her shoulder. I finally leave, though I'm not sure how I managed to make it home between the hysterics and the alcohol.

Since then, I've sent her a few e-mails and left a few more messages. They go unreturned and the one other time I managed to actually get her on the phone, she hung up on me again.

In my whole life, I'd never met anyone that I'd felt as close to as Jeanna. Losing her has probably been the hardest thing in my life - even harder than when Steven and I broke up. I always imagined that we'd be there for each other no matter what.

The worst part of it all is that I have absolutely no idea what happened. We were fine and then suddenly she couldn't even bring herself to talk to me. I hadn't seen her at all in between the last time we talked, so I'm at a loss to see what could have so radically changed.

I had hoped by giving her a little time that she'd be at least willing to talk to me, but that doesn't appear to be the case. I finally deleted her information out of my phone so I would quit calling her when I'd had too much to drink (I'm terrible about drunk dialing).

I've been thinking about her a lot this week since last weekend Mr. Air Force and I were talking about self-confidence, something I've always lacked. Losing Steven and then Jeanna really was a huge blow to my self-image this year. The two people who are supposed to love you the most - love you no matter what - left me and it really did knock me for a loop. It's especially bad because I don't know why she decided not to be my friend anymore. For quite some time I was convinced that I must be some kind of horrible person (thank you, Christine, for fielding my "Am I a bad person?" phone calls).

I know I act like a nervous dork around Mr. Air Force and while some of it is just adjusting to getting back into a relationship with someone new, I know a lot of it has to do with those losses, especially Jeanna's. Part of me always wondered if Steven would really be the one that I ended up with, but nothing in me ever doubted that Jeanna and I would be friends forever. I miss her and I always will. I wish she would at least take the time to tell me what happened.

I guess I'm a bit melancholy today and I still really miss Jeanna. For those of you wondering, I don't miss Steven anymore. It's kind of strange how completely over him I feel. I guess maybe time will give me the same perspective on Jeanna, but I don't think I really believe that. To be adandonded the way I was is going to puzzle me forever.

Deep down I know that I'm a wonderful person. I'm smart, funny, interesting, nice, kind, generous, and a bunch of other adjectives. I just wish I could believe in this more and try not and let her leaving bother me so much.

.: 819 words at 07:06 PM in Fish Tales, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :: Link :: Pings (0) :: All the Voices Say... (22) :.

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

No 24

Damn it! Why is Duhbya on tonight? I want to watch 24! I checked Fox and it said 24 would air on Sunday which, of course, conflicts with Alias. Fucker. Like I want to hear what he has to say.

.: 42 words at 08:16 PM in Rants, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :: Link :: Pings (0) :: All the Voices Say... (4) :.

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Anywhere But Here

Mac decided to play Anywhere But Here, so I shamelessly decided to copy her. Here's my fantasy:

Mr. Air Force and I are on our way to the Atlantis resort and all my cool blogger friends are staying there as well. Of course, as much as I love my friends, they give me plenty of alone time with Mr. Air Force. While there, we all win massive amounts of money (if they don't have a casino, they do in my fantasy) and none of us ever have to work again. The end.

.: 93 words at 07:23 PM in Fish Tales, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :: Link :: Pings (0) :: All the Voices Say... (1) :.

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Monday, April 12, 2004

WinNoise

Ever heard a song made entirely out of Windows .wav files? No? Then go here.

(Link courtesy of Melissa.)

.: 21 words at 02:06 AM in Geeky Things, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :: Link :: Pings (0) :: All the Voices Say... (4) :.

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Sunday, April 11, 2004

Nokia 3650 Question

I've got a Nokia 3650 camera phone that I totally love. I send multimedia messages pretty often (forwarding the pictures to people), but for the life of me, I can't figure out how to add a subject line. The e-mails always came with N/A as the subject. Can anyone help me out? Drives me crazy that I don't know how to do this.

.: 63 words at 08:22 PM in I'm Looking For...., ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :: Link :: Pings (0) :: All the Voices Say... (0) :.

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