Neurotic Fishbowl: Catharsis

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Catharsis

As painful as Thursday (and the early morning Friday confrontation) was, I feel a great sense of relief right now. No more wondering what he means by stuff like "This is my confirmation period" and "If it's meant to be it will be and I'll be with you forever." I made him sit down and listen to how I've felt since he left and the thoughts that I've had. I don't know if he really heard me (somehow I doubt he did since he quit hearing me over a year ago), but for my sake of mind, I had to tell him.

Steven did say one thing, though, that shows me how little he really understands me. He told me that I am unwilling to give him the time he needs to make his decision (to be or not to be with me, if you'll pardon the lame Shakespearian pun). This is just not true. I would have been happy to give him time, but him sleeping with another person changes everything.

As I said before, he's the only man I've ever been with. Sex is important to me and the fact that he's already banging someone else is something that I will never be able to forget (I actually told Christine this when we went out to dinner a few weeks ago).

Actually, I may have been able to forget it and let it go, but since it took place in the bed that we bought together (I still remember how excited I was that we were looking at furniture together. How special and loved I felt that he actually cared about how I liked the matress), I will never be able to forget that. Maybe I should be able to, but I don't think I can. With that, he burned any bridge that he may have had with me.

So, I slept for about fifteen hours Friday and went out to the local country and western club were I saw a lot of new and old friends. I danced with four or five incredible dancers plus some not-so-good ones, but I had a pretty damn good time and I feel a lot better. I've got a date tonight, so I guess I should go get some sleep.

As always, I want to thank everyone on here for their continued support. Maybe it's sad that it's taken me this long to really put Steven behind me, but part of what makes me who I am is the way that I love someone - completely, fiercely, and with all my heart and soul. I wouldn't be the person that I am if I didn't and I know that being that way makes me hang on for longer than I should. Some times, though, you just have to be who you are and handle it as you can.

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Comments

Been there, sweetie. It takes time - but it will pass. And honestly - you will be so much stronger and self-reliant in the end.

Of course, taking all his things and having a bonfire in the driveway helps, too. :-)

.: erika said on February 7, 2004 06:24 AM :: link it :.

Don't get too down on yourself. When my college boyfriend dumped me it took me over a year to get right in the head over it. I think you're doing remarkably well.

.: mac said on February 7, 2004 06:47 AM :: link it :.

There is no set limit of when to get over someone or move on. For us that care about you we hope it's sooner, but only know that sometimes it can be much later. I'm glad you are going out and mingling, that is the key to not letting him win.

.: Susan said on February 7, 2004 08:47 AM :: link it :.

It takes a while to heal from most relationships. It's just that most people don't do it. I'm so impressed with the way you've picked up the pieces of your life.

.: Lisa said on February 7, 2004 12:27 PM :: link it :.

WTF!! What the hell did I miss?! You me and few adult beverages SOON!

.: robin said on February 7, 2004 07:59 PM :: link it :.

I was married once before Mike. Dumbfuck was screwing around on me, and wanted to dump me for his bimbo...and he told me RIGHT BEFORE I HAD TO GO TO WORK.

Yeah, by this time, I was glad to see the asshole go. I got to keep the apartment and the cts, which was all i really cared about by then.

But I am living proof that life offers second chances. I met Mike at a tme when I wasn't looking for anyone, and it worked out.

Don't do anything to force it. When The Man Who Is Worthy Of Kymberlie comes along, you will know it.

And a lucky man he will be, too!

.: Christine said on February 8, 2004 02:01 AM :: link it :.

I'll be honest, I've never actually had a significant other, so I can't really relate to what you are going through. Seriously, I don't think it's sad that it's taking you a long period of time to get over this Steven. This just shows that you have a large, stronge and passionate heart, which is always a good quality to have. I'm sorry that all this emotional pain is happening to you.

.: Jessica said on February 8, 2004 07:55 PM :: link it :.

You will be not only stronger through this growth period, but you are now wiser and more mature. It's a hard thing to go through, but you know I have been there as well.
Holler if you need me, you know I am there for you.

.: Tyscko said on February 9, 2004 12:27 PM :: link it :.

Wow! I don't check in in a few days and so much happens! First of all, I wanted to congratulate you Kymberlie for finding the strength. Secondly, you are a beautiful, intellegent woman who deserves more than Steve could ever offer... I know I've repeated what most everyone else has said but it's so true. I wish you the best!!

.: cybertoad said on February 9, 2004 01:10 PM :: link it :.

Wait, there was a confrontation?!?? And you didn't call me??? I was just thinking this morning that it has been *WAY* too long since I heard from you - you need to keep me posted on these things! Geepers!

That said, you warned him that you couldn't handle it if he slept with someone. He promised he wouldn't - and it's yet another promise on a long string that he has broken. I've been amazed by your strength through all of this, and I promise - there will be better things in your future. I am positive of that.

He's a jackmonkey. Fucker.

.: Christine said on February 9, 2004 04:42 PM :: link it :.

Been there. It's taken me over a year from a similar situation. Just keep moving forward, it's the only sensible thing to do. Oh, yeah, I like the bonfire idea too. ;-)

.: Ghosty said on February 10, 2004 08:04 PM :: link it :.

You're too early! Come back at February 7, 2004 05:49 AM to see this post.

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