Neurotic Fishbowl: Finite

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Finite

It is over.

Tonight I went over and confronted Steven after three months of him dodging the question of why we broke up and if we have a chance of maybe working something out. Since he's already fucking someone else, the answer to that is a resounding no. Believe it or not, in my whole life, he's the only person that I've ever slept with and this, on top of his betrayal of ending our six year relationship without even attempting to fix things, is the end of anything that we could have salvaged from it.

I liked him very much and I loved him very much and when he told me at Christmas time that the more people he met, the more he could see we had in common and the more he realized how much he loved me and missed me, I had such strong hopes that we would be able to fix whatever it was that was wrong with us. Apparently, though, most of that was just drunken ramblings, so I shouldn't have taken it to heart. But you know what? After six years of waiting to hear all of that, that's exactly what I did. I knew that we were going to get back together again and that we could fix things. However, since Steven doesn't want to even give this a chance, I guess I was just an idiot. I'm beginning to think, though, that the whole time I was with him I was an idiot. He's shallow and not very good at being there for someone, so why the fuck would I want to be with him anyway?

I can - and will - do so much better than him. I hope some day he realizes there's more to a person than how they look. And I hope then he truly realizes what he threw away.

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Comments

This man may never realize what an idiot he is.

But I am impressed you know how valuable, how amazing you are.

I don't know you, but I like your writing and you blog. I wish you healing and happiness.

.: jaye said on February 6, 2004 04:46 AM :: link it :.

Sorry girl but you are right. You are much better and more deserving than anything he may have offered. **hugs**

.: kat said on February 6, 2004 04:58 AM :: link it :.

Guys are dogs. We don't mean to be, we just can't help it. When he said he realized what he missed, he probably meant it. Either that or wanted to get some.

Regardless, our moods change daily. You need to trap a guy quick. If it goes more than a few years without a ring, hang it up. It doesn't matter HOW good things are going.

We'll trick you into staying around.

.: Geoffrey said on February 6, 2004 06:08 AM :: link it :.

Don't hate the time you spent together.. it will only make you bitter and not able to get over this. Think of it as a learning experience or just a period in your life. And as hard as it is, just try like hell to keep busy and meet more people and get out there. It will really help! ::hugs::

.: Adelle said on February 6, 2004 07:40 AM :: link it :.

Time to enter that open door of opportunity and find the "real" love of your life...the one that will love you as much as you love him.

.: daisy said on February 6, 2004 07:55 AM :: link it :.

In the garden of life, sometimes we run into a thorn bush. The wounds heal and we're right back running through the garden again...

.: nastybastard said on February 6, 2004 10:41 AM :: link it :.

being ditched, dismissed, under appreciated, and basically discard... sucks raw eggs! but you are so much more than all that and truly it's his loss... I almost feel more sad for hiom losing you and choosing such scadness for his own life, while you have ample opportunity to only improve yours and look forward to better things to come!

.: amancay said on February 6, 2004 01:35 PM :: link it :.

Kimberly, just keep repeating that last paragraph over and over when times are especially tough. It's absolutely true.

.: Natalie said on February 6, 2004 05:00 PM :: link it :.

ditto what Natalie said. you tried your hardest at improving yourself and Steven did squat - major hint: he kept avoiding the answer as to why you guys separated in the first place. you are already a better person for setting goals for yourself. i feel bad that it didn't turn out the way you'd hope but in the long run, it's for the best. you do not deserve someone like that. but like Adelle said, treat the time you spent with Steven as a learning experience. now you know what you can avoid.

.: kathy said on February 6, 2004 05:20 PM :: link it :.

I'm so sorry :(

I hope you realize what a lot us already know, that you are a great person. Your beauitful, talented, and best of all...

You got all of us that just adore you! So here's to hoping you many better days, with someone who "really" cares about ya darling!

.: Taylor said on February 6, 2004 10:12 PM :: link it :.

You are not the idiot. He is.
And what? There's more to a person than how they look?
You are a beautiful, bright, strong woman.
And you will be just fine... no, better than fine without him.
*hugs*

.: Christine said on February 6, 2004 10:32 PM :: link it :.

While it isn't what you hoped for, I hope this gives you the closure you needed to move on. You're a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful person, and I've no doubt you'll get past this chapter in your life and one day cross paths with someone who can love and appreciate you as much as you deserve. *hug*

.: D said on February 7, 2004 02:23 AM :: link it :.

Having a nice car will only get you so far when you're so shallow - he's an ass and I still want to kick him in the shins. HARD. Bastard.

He sucks on so many levels it's just sad.

Meanwhile, you were *NOT* an idiot for believing him. You had every reason to believe him - but his behavior within a few weeks of that just turned freakish and weird. May he end up with a skinny twig woman that gains 300 pounds after he marries her. Bastard.

.: Christine said on February 9, 2004 04:51 PM :: link it :.

You're too early! Come back at February 6, 2004 03:35 AM to see this post.

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