Neurotic Fishbowl: The Hardest Thing

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The Hardest Thing

I've talked to Steven a few times this week and while he's said everytime that we can talk in January about our relationship and see what happens, he's been very adament about the fact that he needs to date (he keeps bringing up that damn Miss Match episode where the couple date other people to make sure that what they have is what they want; I keep pointing out that they end up together, which he's also said). He said that there is a possibility that we could get back together and if we do, it's for the long run and what's a few months in the meantime? He is frustrating me so badly, though, that now that I truly know and understand what our problems are and have already begun to work on mine that he refuses to just get back together "since we'll have learned nothing." That and the fact that he snagged some pictures from Picture Fish for his Match.com ad (including our last anniversary picture) makes me want to kick him in the shins.

I guess this whole rambling bit is to help me come to terms with the hardest thing that I will ever have to do - let him go for now. I have to stop talking about him and thinking about him and just try and move on. I still love him with all of my heart, but it's tearing me up inside. This was the man that I thought I was going to marry - to have by my side always.

I've got two parties to go to in the upcoming weeks and I think a night of clubbing (no, not killing baby seals; dancing and drinking) will be in my future. Maybe I'll get some cute, tall guys to take me out while I'm at it.

I hurt a lot, but I've gotten through stuff like this before and I can get through it again. I'll concentrate on me this month and just try and have a good time. Lord knows Steven's doing that, so it's my only option. He keeps telling me to have faith that we'll get back together (by his own admission he's hard to get along with and doesn't like a lot of people), but that's so hard to do when I feel that he's giving nothing for me to have faith in.

So, that's where we stand. Good, bad, or indifferent - I ride the emotional roller coaster every day. I still owe a ton of people e-mails and that's my plan for at least part of the weekend. Thanks for all of the support and for all of the love that has been pouring in my direction. It is much appreciated, even if I haven't let you know.

Also, to the person that sent me Graham Masterson's Trauma and This Book Will Change Your Life: 365 Daily Instructions for Hysterical Living, thank you. There's only your name (which I don't recognize) and no e-mail address so I can't thank you privately.

.: Posted December 4, 2003 01:14 PM in Fish Tales, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :.

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Comments

I am so proud of you Kymberlie! You really do have the right attitude and I know you have the strength. I look forard to seeing you at my fiesta next weekend.

.: cybertoad said on December 4, 2003 02:43 PM :: link it :.

The book "Love Must Be Tough" deals with exactly what you are facing with Steven.

It's written by the "Focus on the Family" guru, James Dobson but the book touches only very lightly on "God" stuff, so don't let that turn you off to it.

My husband did the same thing to me when he left. He wanted to date people and then revisit our marriage a few months later, and he'd "let me know".

And like a poor lost puppy, I let him do that. I stayed emotionally linked to him and hoped like heck that he'd pick me in the end.

Well, I read that book and "things they started a changin'."

I adopted some of the suggestions and it was an amazing transformation. All of the sudden, hubby was chasing ME! But by then I was on my way to healing, adopting a new attitude that that book gave me - and then it was my turn to kick him to the curb.

Now 3 years later I'm SOOO happy I'm not with him, and I've found the absolute love of my life.

We're pulling for you - and woo hoo on your date!

.: Danelle said on December 4, 2003 06:34 PM :: link it :.

You're too early! Come back at December 4, 2003 01:14 PM to see this post.

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