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Bukowski-ism 101...
*Brought to you by guest-poster, Kimberly of KMF.n and erraticfrog.com (don't visit the URLs because one site is closed and the other is currently offline).*
So, today I was sitting here merrily re-working a site I was just wrapping up. Next thing I know, a message pops up on Yahoo! from someone I don't know...
As a quick aside:
I have the following on my "Latest News" for Yahoo! Messenger: I am sick to death of men messaging me with some variation of the following: Hi I am married and looking because I have problems with my wife....blah de blah DO NOT send me s*** like that, OK?This is because of all the lurkers only uncloaking long enough to ask if *u have any pics* well, overdone and boring. Yes?
So this guy pops up on Messenger and says: I am just messaging you because even though we have no marital problems, I just happen to prefer cheating on my wife. :) You going to ignore me now?
So I reply: OK, I'll give you a giggle point and abstain from banishing you to the seventh ring of hell. Will that do?
The he goes on to question me about my "quote" which is: "what matters most is how well you walk through the fire." by Charles Bukowski.
He asked me what I meant by it, and how I could base my life on such a philosophy.
Well, as opposed to simply relaying the entire chat word for word, I figured I would just share with you all, my affinity for this quote and what it really means.
Basically, how I take "what matters most is how well you walk through the fire." is word for word. There's really nothing to do with the beginning or end of everything, but how you go through it.
What ARE you talking about?
Say you have issues. Do you become a raging drunk, druggie, suicidal or do you stand fast, and bravely tread the path, no matter what? Do you stand tall, and though the proverbial coals burn your feet do you go on or do you cave in, like a small child with a sunburn?
It is the journey which I believe makes the person. We will all face our own trials and tribulations in life. We may succeed, or we may fail, drastically. However, isn't the real issue how we walk the walk?
The philosophies of Zen, Buddhism, Rosicrucian and even Christianity tell us that it is the way that counts. The walk which we decide to walk, as opposed to the end that matters.
So he asked me:
How can you live every day that way. "Don't things just drive you crazy sometimes?" My only answer to that was "Strap on the asbestos boots and get going..."
Meaning:
We all have problems. We all have issues. What we need to learn is how to decide which battles are worth fighting and which are best left for the rats. Either we can save our strength to fight the battles which are worth fighting while allowing the less important things to fall to the wayside so that when we must, we can stand up and fight to the death the battles worth fighting to the death. (To this the reply was: "I feel like I am chatting with someone due for a Pulitzer" to that I replied: "Not really, you're talking to someone who knows the difference between what's worth her time and what is not. It's that simple.")
He went on to question how *I* know what's worth it and I answered thusly (again, not a quote, but the gist of the thing, as his was a more specific matter): Basically, you have to learn to decide what is REALLY important. What REALLY matters. What are you fighting for and why? Is the end result worth the ardor? Is it? If it is, then fight for it to the death. If it is not, then stop. Basically, if you are willing to die to see a situation set to rights then it is worth the fight. If what you are fighting for is not worth the life, thus the energy you put forth to continue the battle then it is not.
It is defining these things to oneself which makes one aware and conscious as to what's a worthy reason to fight and what loses it's worth the moment you let it go.
The next thing he said was: "Thank you. Your words meant so much to me, and I feel like I am already able to try and see things more clearly. I am glad I sent you a message even though it was clear that you were bored of my type."
I told him that I was not bored of his type, whatever that might have been, but that I was bored of people always looking to find something better than they had without even posessing the ability to ascertain what was really wrong with what they had to begin with.
Most people just don't know what's "wrong" or "missing" from their lives. Sometimes I truly believe that nothing is wrong or missing, just that maybe they're looking with the wrong eyes.
What do you think? (Seriously, I'd like to know, so do feel free to comment! I am not insulted easily ;) )
.: Posted May 11, 2003 09:01 AM in Skinning the Fish, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :."; echo "Trackbacks on this post: ", $count, ""; $pingarray = "SELECT p.tbping_source_url, p.tbping_blog_name, p.tbping_created_on, p.tbping_excerpt, p.tbping_tb_id, t.trackback_id, t.trackback_entry_id FROM mt_tbping p, mt_trackback t WHERE (p.tbping_blog_id = $blogid) and (t.trackback_entry_id = $entry_id) and (t.trackback_id = p.tbping_tb_id)"; $resultping = mysql_query($pingarray) or die (mysql_error()); while ($row = mysql_fetch_array($resultping)) { //set up the variables being used - the date can be configured below $url = ($row['tbping_source_url']); $blog = ($row['tbping_blog_name']); $date = date("F d, Y g:i A", strtotime($row['tbping_created_on'])); $excerpt = ($row['tbping_excerpt']); echo "
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Comments
I totally agree with you. On everything, but especially with marital issues. I think too many people get bored and then either divorce or seek other entertainment without stopping to think what it was that attracted them in the 1st place to this person and to get back to that place in life.
.: daisy said on May 11, 2003 10:54 AM :: link it :.Kimberly I so totally agree with you, it is so true.
I to get messages like those from Yahoo. Funny thing is that if you check my profile it has me as married as well as a picture of me and husband on our wedding day. grr don't these people get it.
.: Martie said on May 11, 2003 05:31 PM :: link it :.I think that all of what you said is just, amazing. Hello, I'm another guest blogger, wondering what to say after THAT post. Wow ;)
.: Anabella said on May 11, 2003 09:35 PM :: link it :.Thanks guys! :)
I was pretty nervous about what to post, so the kind feedback is truly appreciated! ;)
~K
.: Kimberly (guestblogger) said on May 12, 2003 02:18 AM :: link it :.You're too early! Come back at May 11, 2003 09:01 AM to see this post.
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