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Life Changing Decisions
This week I made a decision that I think is going to change my life - hopefully for the better.
For the past several months, I've been in the grasp of the deepest depression, worse than anything I've ever experienced in the last seven years or so. I cry all the time, I sleep a lot, I'm comfort eating like crazy, and I feel constantly like my life is about to spin even further out of my control. I have no energy, yet I'm restless. Nothing holds my attention and I can't avoid black feelings that things will never improve and only get worse. My life has become a bleak, desolate, very lonely wasteland.
A few months ago I went to the doctor for something unrelated and he suggested I go on Paxil. I told him I'd think about it, but I didn't really consider it too strongly.
This past month has been so bad, however, that I've spoken to several people in my family, Steven, and my friends and I've decided that I need help and I've made the decision to start taking it.
I know where most of my stress is coming from (think dooce. E-mail me if you want details) and it's out of my hands to do much about it, which only leads to me feeling worse.
I'm hoping that taking Paxil will help me begin to get things back into a bearable state. Any good thoughts, well wishes, or the like that you can send my way will be very much appreciated.
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Comments
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I don't know what else to say except that I hope whatever is causing you stress goes away soon (I know the Dooce story, I can only imagine what kind of issues are going on). As cheesy as it sounds, it helps when you realize what's within your control and what's out of your control, and realizing that you can't do anything about things that are out of your control. I hope you're feeling better again soon. :)
.: Alison said on April 20, 2003 08:41 PM :: link it :.I know this doesn't mean much coming from a complete stranger, but I've been there, and I promise, it does get better....
.: Merrin said on April 20, 2003 08:51 PM :: link it :.I have been reading for you a bit and wanted you to know, it does get better. A year and half ago I was in the grips of something I had never experienced before - sleeping all the time, struggling to get to work, crying, eating - the doctor finally put me on Paxil and even my hubby will agree - I am a changed woman. Feel free to email me if you have any questions. (hugs)
.: Sueellen said on April 20, 2003 09:25 PM :: link it :.Sorry to hear that you are going through a really rough time Kymberlie. I have no experience with paxil, so I cannot give you any insight on th aspect, but am sending you tons of squishy love. If there is ever anything you need, anything at all. We are here for you. *long hugs* hoping or brighter sunnier days... it will get better. *squish*
.: munin said on April 20, 2003 09:32 PM :: link it :.I've been going through the same kind of thing, trying to get a handle on the major bouts of depression that have hit since the end of last year and it took me until the beginning of March to actually tell my doctor that I couldn't control the up and downswings that I get. She put me on Effexor XR and it's helped more than I can say.
I hope the Paxil works for you, and if you ever want someone to talk/vent to, drop me an email. 
You're very brave to take this step, Kymberlie. It takes real strength to be able to say "I need help. Something needs to change." And taking medication to help depression is an excellent option. I know many people who have hesitated at first, taken the medication and said, "It saved my life." I know that the medication I take for my fibromyalgia (which is also caused by a chemical imbalance) makes it possible for me to participate in life... for that I am enormously grateful. I'll be thinking of you, sweetie.
.: Zuly said on April 20, 2003 09:37 PM :: link it :.Kymberlie, I'm sorry you are going through this. But, I am so glad you recognize it and are getting help. It will get better! I have a good friend who started taking Celexa about 6 weeks ago....WOW, what a difference.
.: Kim said on April 20, 2003 10:33 PM :: link it :.I'm sorry that you're having these problems and I do hope that the Paxil helps.
Sending good wishes your way...
LIke everyone has said, I am sorry and I will send good thoughts your way.
Hang in there and if you ever need to chat, email me and we can jump on yahoo or something like that.
Oh my gosh. I understand so well. In fact, if you ever want to talk, feel free to email me. I firmly believe in better living through chemicals, and also KNOW that depression is a disease.
My only recommendation, if you can do it, would be for you to go to a Psychiatrist and get a meds evaluation, rather than taking the first thing your regular doctor hands out.
I have recently done this and am very glad I did.
Again, feel free to ask me anything anytime.
Good luck.
.: Robin said on April 21, 2003 08:00 AM :: link it :.You have to keep us updated.
I've been on the brink of feeling like I need some kind of help myself. I guess it takes just deciding that you do. But that's a big decision. I'm proud of anyone who makes it.
.: Crinkle said on April 21, 2003 08:21 AM :: link it :.I've been on zoloft for about 3 years now and I can tell immediately when I miss a dose. My doctor told me that it's like the clouds clearing - and she was exactly right - if I could describe it those are the exact words I would use. You'll be able to see things more clearly and you will feel better. Sometimes it just doesn't get better without help and sometimes talking through it isn't the answer. I did the talk therapy but the drug therapy worked so much quicker and better. This is one decision that it sounds like you need to make and I say you're making the right one. If the paxil doesn't work right away, don't worry, it may just not be the right dosage or right drug. You'll get there.
.: jana said on April 21, 2003 10:57 AM :: link it :.good luck girl :)
*mwah*
It's great that you're taking a step to make yourself feel better. Sending good thoughts your way.
.: tasha. said on April 21, 2003 12:05 PM :: link it :.You should take Karate with me, it makes me feel better to beat the crap out of people. :-)
.: Russell said on April 21, 2003 04:00 PM :: link it :.From what I have heard, Paxil takes about 5-6 weeks to build up and take effect.
Good luck!
.: don said on April 21, 2003 10:07 PM :: link it :. 
I'm definitely thinking of you and hope you find the strength to get through the days ahead. I really admire you for being honest with yourself first -- then all of us. I'll keep you in my thoughts!
.: robyn said on April 21, 2003 11:24 PM :: link it :.Hope the Paxil works well for you. I reluctantly took Prozac years ago and it certainly helped me over a rough period in my life. Sending healing vibes your way.
.: Susan said on April 22, 2003 02:10 AM :: link it :.I hope it helps. My cloud clearing came with getting a new job ... just a thought. You said you can't do much about it, but you can. You might have to switch to a different field, but I suspect you would be *so* much happier having some control in your life instead of the mayhem.
You know where to find me, and I'm happy to talk any day or time. Maybe some night we could get together for dinner? I miss our lunchtime together! :) Sending you bunches of love & positive thoughts...
.: Christine said on April 22, 2003 07:38 PM :: link it :.I was in the same condition when my doctor realized that I have thyroid problem. Ask your doc to test for t4, t3 as well as for tsh. Chaces could be high! Good luck and wish you the best!
A stranger
I feel as though I am at a cross roads. I currently work out of my house and I have absolutely no incentive to do my job. Every now and then I get a boost of energy and complete the neede tasks. I am most happy when I travel to see customers but the problem is that I am left with so much work to catch up with because of the constant travel. I feel like I want to run out of the house and never turn back. I have a very sweet and supporting husband who wants me to find another job, which is very difficult. I am comfort eating all the time and I have gained so much weight that I sink deeper into depression. My husband and I leave for a wonderful trip to Europe in 10 days and I am not even excited about it. WHAT is wrong with me??? On top of everything else, we want to start a family....how do you find a decent new job when you are pregnant? I know I am probably a very selfish person, I just don't want to be in the fog anymore. I want to be happy again. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thank you for listening.
.: Lila said on April 13, 2004 11:19 AM :: link it :.You're too early! Come back at April 20, 2003 08:12 PM to see this post.
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