Neurotic Fishbowl: How to "Cat-Proof" Your Christmas Tree

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How to "Cat-Proof" Your Christmas Tree

1. Buy a cardboard box big enough to hold the tree. Paint it red and yellow. Paste pictures of cats playing with toys on the box. Write phrases on the box like: "Giant very expensive cat toy." "Your cat will LOVE it!" "No cat can resist!" "Hours and hours of fun!" "Only $99,999,999.99!"

2. Bring the tree home inside the box, and round up your cats. Say, "look what mommy got you! A giant, really really expensive cat toy! You will go NUTS! I can't wait to see you play with this!"

3. Force the cats to watch you put up the tree and decorate it. If they drift off towards the cardboard box, bring them back to the tree and point at it while saying things like "you had better play with this thing, mommy spent a month's salary on it."

4. When the tree is decorated, wave some branches in their face and shout, "come on and play! Lookee here, the branches move, see? Kitty is supposed to swat at the branches and have lots and lots of fun! Hey, come back here! You come back here right now and play with this tree. See how much fun it is? HEY. I'M TALKING TO YOU. Get out of that box right now, mister. The box is NOT a toy. THIS is the toy."

If you do this with enough sincerity, your cats will avoid the tree like it was a Rottweiler. Of course, you'll be stuck with a giant ugly cardboard box in your living room all through the holidays, but it can always double as a buffet table.

(Seen at Kelly's)

.: Posted December 8, 2002 09:07 PM in Entertainment Value, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :.

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Comments

Hah! That's so true.

.: Kim said on December 8, 2002 10:52 PM :: link it :.

Hi there Kym,

Sorry to have to leave a message in your blog! We may have overlooked mails, but we do not show any records of you sending or receiving your ornament for the ornament exchange.

Can you please email us (ornament2002@mizjenna.com) and let us know if you have sent or received your ornament?

Thank you very much!

Jenna & Sherry

.: Jenna said on December 8, 2002 10:57 PM :: link it :.

What a hoot!

.: photomatt said on December 10, 2002 12:21 AM :: link it :.

You're too early! Come back at December 8, 2002 09:07 PM to see this post.

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